


words

by courvoisierinmycoffee



Series: soulmates [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Might write more, Soulmates, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 18:25:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7768417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courvoisierinmycoffee/pseuds/courvoisierinmycoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you write something on your body, it appears on your soulmate's too. Except, Simon tries too hard and Raphael never replies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For this prompt: Saphael soulmate au where when you write on your arm it shows up on your soulmates arm and vice versa but you cant put your name or where you live.
> 
> All mistakes are my own. Comments are appreciated. 
> 
> Might write a second half, as this is a very open ending that can lead to more.

For the past several years, Simon has decorated his arms with a selection of band names, crappy lyrics for new songs, and updates on his life. He never receives a reply in response, but that is something he has long since grown used to. It's disappointing, but Simon is still hopeful.

At one point, he had convinced himself that Clary was his soulmate, but her little doodles never show up on his body. Instead, Simon is a blank canvas and Clary is painted with neat calligraphy that so often compliments her artwork. It isn't fair – where is Simon’s soulmate? Does he even have one? – but he's happy for Clary, and he’ll be ecstatic when she meets her soulmate. She deserves the world, but he isn't going to be the one to give it to her.

He thinks it might be Maureen too, after Clary insists she likes him, but Simon feels nothing for the girl. When he scribbles a short greeting on the back of his hand, it doesn't appear on Maureen’s.

Simon wants to give up, then, sick of desperately wishing for his soulmate. He doesn't have one; Simon is sure of it. 

Simon Lewis does not have a soulmate, and he's fine with that.

(Except, it breaks his heart.

_ ‘Please, give me something.’  _ Simon writes across his arm one day, handwriting scruffy and messy from his shaking hand. There is no reply – there never is – and Simon decides to give up completely.)

* * *

 

Since he was old enough to understand, even before he was turned, Raphael Santiago refused to believe in soulmates. He never looked to his arms for words, nor did he attempt to contact his soulmate in return. Raphael saw no point. His opinion only hardened when he became a vampire. Having a soulmate, someone who you would live and die with, seemed ridiculous when you're immortal.

Still, Raphael feels slightly amazed and happy when he finds words and doodles, for the first time in his life, scribbled across his arms. 

He never replies, though. Raphael can't bring himself too. 

Rather than respond, Raphael watches his soulmate grow over the years. Eventually, the words become few and far between, but Raphael still looks for them. When his soulmate asks desperately for something –  _ anything  _ – Raphael doesn't reply, but he wishes he had.

* * *

_ ‘I'm scared.’ _ Simon writes on his hand, hoping for  –  _ needing  _ – a reply. As expected, there's nothing, but Simon still stares desperately at his palm and waits. It keeps his thoughts away from the possibility that he's a fucking  _ vampire _ . 

Eventually, he gives up, as he always does when it comes to his soulmate. Simon lets himself panic and grow terrified, and go back. He lets himself become a  _ monster _ .

* * *

 

Raphael is already half in love with Simon Lewis – the ridiculous fledgling, who would choose a  _ Shadowhunter  _ over his own clan – when he realises that they are soulmates. 

It’s been a long while since there's been anything written across his hand – the last being  _ I’m scared  _ and Raphael hates himself for ignoring it – so he's surprised to see the familiar scrawl a short while after Simon becomes a downworlder. 

He looks down at his wrist, blinking at the words as they materialise. As always, his skin tingles and stings slightly. Raphael used to look away every time, but he smiles this time – until he sees the words themselves.

_ ‘I’m a monster.’ _

Raphael swallows harshly, turning away as he's thought go back to the night Simon has said those words. 

‘ _ I'm repulsive.’ _

It has to be Simon. Raphael can't imagine anyone else being his soulmate. Considering it now, he knows it to be true. 

It's terrifying. After all this years, after ignoring everything and anything to do with his soulmates, Raphael finally replies. He has to. Simon  _ needs _ to know that he isn't repulsive; he isn't a  _ monster.  _

_ ‘You aren't’  _ Raphael finds himself writing, just underneath Simon’s words.  _ ‘You are not a monster. You are beautiful.’ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments! I was worried about posting this originally because I only finished the show like four days ago. Anywayyyy, have a part two :)

"It's you." Simon accuses, interrupting Raphael's conversation with Lily and successfully adding to the older's annoyance. Raphael looks up with a glare, earning a sheepish glance from Simon. If the boy could blush, Raphael is sure he would be.   
  
Lily leaves at Raphael's nod of dismissal, a smirk on her lips as if she's keeping a secret. Hopefully, she doesn't understand Simon's words.  
  
"Excuse me?" Raphael raises a brow; it's an attempt to remain oblivious, but a fruitless one. He understood immediately, after all. Once he had finally replied to Simon through their soulmate bond – _'you are not a monster, you are beautiful'_ – it would have been easy to recognize Raphael's handwriting. At the time, he had regretted it, but Raphael had been terrified for the fledgling. He's still scared now, but for himself.

Simon tugs up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing his own messy calligraphy. Raphael barely glances at it, but he's already memorized the few short words – _'Raphael, I know it's you'_ – since they decorate his own skin too.   
  
"You never replied. For years, I wrote to you. You never replied!" Simon snaps, losing his usual shyness and hesitance for anger – an anger that must have been building up for so long. All because of Raphael. "I thought I didn't have a soulmate – that I wasn't good enough!"   
  
_"Dios,_ Simon." Raphael shakes his head. It's never been that he didn't want his soulmate, Raphael never wanted to lose them. He's spent his whole life believing his soulmate was a mundane – and Simon was, until everything in his life changed. But Raphael had never realized, too focused on ignoring his soulmate to notice that they were right in front of him. " _Idiota!_ " It's directed at both himself and Simon.   


Simon blinks at him, his anger gone as quick as it came. He looks resigned, and sad too. It's the same expression Raphael saw on him after he turned, but there's no disgust or self-loathing mixed in anymore. Raphael had hated that expression. Simon wasn't a monster – none of them were, but Simon Lewis, specifically, wasn't a monster.    
  
"I never wanted a soulmate." Simon presses his lips together in a thin line, and Raphael sighs. "I suspected my soulmate was a mundane–" And he was, for some time. "–and mundanes die."   
  
"That's selfish." Simon snaps.   
  
"I am selfish!" Raphael returns, with the same harshness. Simon flinches. "I didn't care at the time. You wrote to me, and I didn't care."   
  
"Not once?"   
  
"Sometimes, I regretted not responding, and I am sorry for that, but it was easy to ignore you."   
  
Simon turns away, refusing to look at Raphael now. If Simon wants nothing to do with him, then Raphael would understand. "Why now?"   
  
"I knew it was you."   
  
The younger nods, shifting on his feet. He moves closer to Raphael. His hand reaches out, as if he wants to touch Raphael, before it falls back at his side. "I hoped it was you, after everything that happened." But it had only been a fleeting hope, because Simon has spent too much time in his life pining for people he cannot have. If he wasn't good enough for Clary, then he isn't good enough for Raphael either.

Raphael laughs, almost bitter. “You didn't have to be my soulmate for me to fall in love with you.”

“You're in love with _me?_ ” Simon repeats, eyes widening in the surprise.

Raphael scoffs at that. The younger is ridiculous. It makes Raphael question why he had fallen for the other in first place. “ _Idiota._ ” He repeats, although it’s affectionate and fond now. 

Simon notices, and he laughs quietly, slightly hysterical. “You're in love with me.” He says again.

Instead of replying, Raphael moves forward with quick and long strides. He reaches Simon and brings a hand to touch the back of his neck, before dragging his soulmate into a bruising kiss.

Simon squeaks into it, but he presses back soon enough, gripping tightly at Raphael’s blazer. “Soulmates,” Simon murmurs into the kiss, and Raphael deepens it to shut the younger up. He receives no complaint from Simon.

They're both grinning when they pull away, although Raphael’s is an amused smirk and Simon is trying to hide his happiness by biting at his lip. It's futile, though. Simon is soon smiling in delight, as if he's forgiven Raphael for everything he's ever done wrong. It can't be that easy, but Raphael is they'll be okay.

Anyway, they've got the rest of eternity to figure it all out.


End file.
